Flowing fast,
Slowing down,
Only to hit another rock,
And swiftly flow again.
Taking a leaf,
Taking a twig,
Taking a child.
These aren't just objects.
They represent my life.
Hitting obstacles,
Overcoming them,
A smooth ride for awhile,
Another rock,
Another obstacle,
Another thing to get through.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
This is how life goes,
But don't give up,
and be washed ashore.
Keep slamming into rocks,
Until you move ahead,
Around,
Or above that rock,
That is how life goes.
This is an awesome poem. I really liked how ou repeated "back and forth". Also I liked the way you repeated things liek the taking a, and another. Maybe next time you could try using less periods. You're awesome at writing poems:)
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteThis was a really cool poem. The way how certain things represented obstacles in your life was a great idea. Next time, don't neccesarily write that those represent obstacles, just give clues.
-Karen
I agree with Karen. Let the reader figure it out; you writ eso well, the reader will get there. Your clue "a child" was so clear, I didn't really need help. That's called being "heavy-handed" with symbolism. Otherwise, really beautiful. I love the metaphor. Maybe find a symbolic thing that happens in the end of the poem that keeps it a hopeful message, that we shouldn't give up. Love the sentiment.
ReplyDeleteThat poem is AMAZING!! I really like how you repeat your lines and say: "Taking a leaf, Taking a twig, Taking a child.", it flows nicely, just like a river. (Pun intended) Maybe next time you could space out your poem to show seprate ideas and concepts. Oh, and nice Japanese name translator.
ReplyDeleteJennifer... I love this poem. It is really good and I like how you said that this is how life goes and you are absolutely right... Life does have it's ups and downs and you show that very well in your poem...
ReplyDeleteI really like how you do peoms because it really shows that you are really good at writing them so keep up the good work...
O and also, I like the Japanese name thingy and the quotes that you have put on the side... Nice blog!
Anyways... Keep up the great work!
~Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I really like this poem, you use repetition really well, and I like how you represented your life with objects. Next time maybe instead of saying they are your life, let us figure it out like Karen said. Other than that it was amazing. :)
ReplyDelete