I see how beautiful this thing is.
Sparkling in the sunset,
Twinkling in the sky.
It was a gift to us,
From God,
Showing how life can be amazing.
As I hike around the mountain,
The other side comes into view.
A hideous thing,
Opposite the other side,
I sit down to think.
Life has two sides,
Good and bad.
You will see both,
Feel both,
And live both.
Differences are a necessity in life.
It was a gift to us,
From God,
Showing how life can be difficult.
I start hiking home,
And thank God for this mountain.
Okay, so I love this poem. Thanks. You totally understand how a poem starts with an object, an observation, and moves to seeing something greater to really examine. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you compared the mountain to life, and how you said that both the good and bad parts of life were both gifts,and that we need to thank life for giving us both good and bad things. I really can't think of anything that needs to be fixed.
ReplyDeleteWOW!!! What a picture Jennifer! You really have a way with words. I'd say you know how to make people think! WONDERFUL, BRILLIANT, AMAZING!! Love you man!
ReplyDeleteI like how you use a mountain side as a metaphor for the good and bad in life, the only thing that could be changed would be in the 10th line you have just view as a line. I might chang that so that it flows along with the poem.
ReplyDeleteThe relationship between us and the mountain you show very well. You may want to avoid using words like thing, and cut out some of your conjunctions that you use. It can really make it sound better. You conclude it especially well. Nice!
ReplyDeleteAs i was reading the poem I was thinking how it was good, and then when i got to the end it turned to amazing. I really liked how you showed something more important at the end and compared life to a mountain. Perfect poem.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is really good, and it's so true too. I like the repetition you used throughout it. It's perfect. :D
ReplyDelete